Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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