Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I deserve this hangover.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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