I cockslap morals
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
