Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
