I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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