ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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