I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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