My sheets look like a crime scene.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
