I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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