Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
