hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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