mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
