Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
