every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
