while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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