Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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