my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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