Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
