you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
