i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
