I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
