I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
