She is in my trunk
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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