i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
