Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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