I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
