I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish they made helmets for livers.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
