It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
