Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
