They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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