my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
