about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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