I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
