what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
