i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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