WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
