We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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