In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just found a bag of teeth...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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