His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
