I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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