Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
