Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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