My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I cockslap morals
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
