We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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