Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
