Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize