Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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