I wish I could teleport
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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