At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
