THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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