I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
