theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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