Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
