Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
