Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize