The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
