I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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