Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize