youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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