How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
