Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
