You really coming over, don't trick.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We left the knife in your bed.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
