also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
