Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
