She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
