I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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