20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
