if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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