textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
